💍 Monogamy in the Modern World: Exploring Commitment and Connection

Monogamy has always been a central part of who I am. In my younger years, I remember having strong feelings of “like” toward one young lady in each stage of grade school—elementary, middle, and high school. My high school years led me into a long-distance relationship that continued on and off through college and into adulthood. Today, I am in a ten-year marriage and raising two beautiful daughters. Each of these relationships has taught me valuable lessons about what relationships mean to me and how I believe they should function.

As a couples therapist, I often meet partners who have only a limited understanding of what a relationship truly is, or what it means to be monogamous and committed. This blog explores the concept of monogamy, its meaning, and how to determine whether you are truly practicing it.

Defining Monogamy

At its simplest, monogamy is the practice of having one sexual or marital partner at a time. Yet the concept carries nuance across cultures and contexts.

• Social/Marital Context: Monogamy is a custom or law that allows a person to be married to only one spouse at a time.

• Romantic/Sexual Context: It refers to having only one sexual partner at a time.

• Biological/Zoological Context: Some animal species form pair bonds with a single mate during a breeding period.

Cultural variations add another layer of complexity. In some traditions, monogamy is a lifelong contract that may only be broken under penalty, as seen in Roman Catholic and Hindu prescriptions for marriage. In other contexts, monogamy is understood as serial—individuals are monogamous within each relationship but may change partners over time.

Most of us embody a mix of both. We may begin with serial monogamy—dating multiple partners across different seasons of life—and later transition into traditional monogamy through marriage, embracing the “till death do us part” commitment. This blend raises important questions: Are we truly shifting from one form to another, or are we always navigating both simultaneously?

Determining Monogamy

Traditional monogamy suggests a one-to-one perspective, while serial monogamy reflects a broader understanding. If most of us fall into a “both/and” category, then several realities emerge:

• My partner has had multiple partners before meeting me.

• I have had multiple partners before meeting my current partner.

• These relational experiences, while monogamous, have shaped how I approach relationships today.

• My perspective on relationships has shifted, and I expect my partner’s perspective to shift as well—especially within marriage.

Recognizing these truths invites new conversations early in relationships. Questions such as What are your thoughts on monogamy? or Do you understand the difference between serial and traditional monogamy? can provide valuable insight into how each person views commitment and how you might navigate a relationship together.

Reflecting on Your Own Path

As you consider these concepts, take time to assess your relational history. Are you more traditional, serial, or a blend of both when it comes to monogamy? Understanding your expectations, perspectives, and desires is key to building healthy, lasting relationships.

If you find yourself uncertain about your relational approach, Peridot Consulting and Treatment Solutions, PLLC can help. Our therapists provide compassionate, culturally responsive support to help you clarify your values and develop a relational framework that fits your personality and goals.

References:

·  Cambridge University Press. (n.d.). Monogamy. In Cambridge English dictionary. Retrieved November 28, 2025, from https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/monogamy

·  Encyclopaedia Britannica. (n.d.). Monogamy. In Britannica. Retrieved November 28, 2025, from https://www.britannica.com/topic/monogamy

·  Merriam-Webster. (n.d.). Monogamy. In Merriam-Webster.com dictionary. Retrieved November 28, 2025, from https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/monogamy