A Trip to Paris: How Stepping Into Another Culture Reshapes the Way We Relate
During the second year of my PhD program, I boarded a plane to Paris believing I was simply expanding my academic horizons. What I didn’t expect was how profoundly the trip would challenge the way I understand people, connection, and the invisible cultural scripts that shape every relationship we attempt to build. As I wrote in the original draft, “This trip served as an opportunity for me to expand my cultural understanding and how world view attaches itself to the therapeutic experience.”
What I learned in Paris wasn’t just about culture. It was about humility. Curiosity. And the uncomfortable truth that most of us are trying to build relationships using tools we inherited, not tools we intentionally chose.
Why Cultural Misunderstandings Derail Relationships
If you’ve ever walked away from a conversation thinking, “Why did that go sideways?” you’re not alone. Many people assume relationship struggles stem from personality clashes or emotional incompatibility. But often the real culprit is cultural misalignment, the unspoken rules we carry from our families, communities, and early experiences.
We don’t just enter relationships. We enter them with a worldview.
And that worldview quietly dictates:
How we interpret tone
What we consider respectful
How we expect others to show care
What we assume people “should just know”
When those assumptions collide with someone else’s cultural reality, misunderstandings multiply. Attachment theory helps explain this. People internalize and act out on expectations about relationships based on their experiences with caregivers and other close members of their ecology.
In other words, we’re all improvising with scripts we didn’t write.
Paris: A Crash Course in Cultural Humility
Paris taught me this lesson in real time.
Take dog ownership, for example. I quickly noticed that Parisians walk their dogs without leashes. Not because they’re carefree, but because it’s a social expectation. A dog that cannot regulate itself is seen as a reflection of the owner’s discipline and relational competence. That tiny cultural detail carries enormous social weight.
Then there’s the interpersonal distance. Parisians are not unfriendly; they’re simply reserved until trust is earned. And if you don’t at least attempt to speak French, you’ve already signaled disinterest in connection. A simple “Bonjour” opens doors that English alone will keep closed.
These moments weren’t just cultural quirks. They were reminders that relationship-building requires stepping into someone else’s world, not demanding they meet you in yours.
The American Problem: Expecting People to “Just Know”
Back home, I see this dynamic play out constantly in therapy. Couples sit across from me insisting their partner should intuit their needs. Friends drift apart because one expected unspoken loyalty the other didn’t know was required. Families fracture over assumptions no one ever articulated; not realizing that we don’t know what we don’t know. Yet we behave as if everyone should.
Imagine an American traveler in Paris who doesn’t know they should greet shopkeepers or attempt French. They’re not rude. They’re uninformed. But the relational consequences are real.
The same is true in our intimate relationships.
The Transformative Power of Entering Someone Else’s Cultural Experience
Here’s the truth: You cannot build meaningful relationships if you insist on staying inside your own worldview.
Relational development requires:
Curiosity over certainty
Observation over assumption
Translation over projection
Humility over ego
When you intentionally place yourself inside another person’s cultural experience, whether that culture is national, familial, generational, or emotional, you gain access to the “why” behind their behavior. And once you understand the “why,” connection becomes possible.
This is the heart of cultural competence. Not memorizing customs. Not collecting trivia about other people’s backgrounds. But learning to see the world through their eyes long enough to understand what relationships mean to them.
Travel Isn’t the Point — Perspective Is
Paris didn’t change me because it was Paris. It changed me because it forced me to confront the limits of my own worldview. You don’t need a passport to do the same. You only need the willingness to step outside your assumptions and into someone else’s lived experience.
When you do, you’ll find that relationships become less confusing, less frustrating, and far more fulfilling. Because you’re no longer relating to people based on who you think they should be. You’re relating to them based on who they are.